Hey guys
I know it's been a month since I last
posted and I am quite sorry for that but I've been busy with lots of
things. Tonight has not been the best so I thought I would get out my
emotions in a post...
So tonight was a night that I have
been expecting for a while and that was the break up with my boyfriend
of a year and 2 months. These last couple of months had been rockier
than usual but we always sorted it out and everything seemed fine. Even
today our day started out fine and then all of a sudden everything went
down hill so fast
I don't want to give details
because I don't need the whole world knowing but it ended badly. As much
as this break up made me so mad and I hated him tonight for what
happened it finally sunk in how much I'm actually going to miss him and
how much I loved him. However I was actually doing very well. We had our
fight, he stormed out (and took his stuff which gave me the feeling we
were going to break up) then he called, said some things and then broke
up with me. All I said was okay bye and even though I was mad I didn't
want to say the many things that were in my brain that I could have
easily said to him because I just didn't care. And that's the
interesting part. When we had our fight and he stormed out of our house I
didn't care and I didn't care if he were to call me and break up with
me. So anyways that happened and my mom was really proud how I handled
it and so was I. When I changed my status and people were saying "Omg
are you okay? What happened?" I was still mad and still not phased by
the break up. It wasn't till my dad came in and gave me a hug and asked
if I was okay that I started tearing up (not crying though). When I
decided to go to sleep and I was laying in bed, images of this last year
was going through my mind. I started thinking about all the fights we
had and the fight we had tonight and that was fine because it made me
mad and not regret the break up, but when I started thinking about the
really good times I had with him that's when it started sinking in and I
realized how much I'm going to miss him and how much I really do love him and I started crying.
Summer
is starting (even though mine started middle of April) and I need to
focus on finding a job. I'm going into second year so in 2 months I'll
be starting a new year at the most amazing university which means I
still have so much ahead of me. As much as this is now sinking in and
I'm kinda devastated as I type this, it's not the end. When you think of
it relationships are never the end, they are just a new learning curve
in your life. It's a chapter that has ended and it's time for me to
begin writing the next one because it's a new beginning of my life.
I'm going to miss him and I love him still after
everything that happened tonight and in the past and one day I will move
past it. For now I just need to take it one day at a time and enjoy the
things life throws at me. After all everything happens for a reason.
Good Night all
-Marianna
